Grief is a natural part of life. However, the grief that follows someone’s death as a result of homicide is completely different. The stages of grief arrive differently, and learning to cope after a loved one’s murder never gets easier. Those supporting co-victims might feel lost and unsure of how they can actually show their support during the aftermath of a murder.
One of the best pieces of advice we as advocates can give it to just be present. Allow your loved one to grieve how they need to - some do it openly, and others prefer to process a different way, such as journaling or going to counseling. However, there is one thing anyone can do for a friend or family member they have that’s recently lost a loved one to murder.
Buy them a plant!
While flowers are often seen as the proper thing to do when someone passes, their shelf life is much less stable than plants. Some plants can withstand even the most grueling of conditions, so they’re great for those who need a project to focus on that has longevity. Here are some of the best plants you can get someone who’s grieving a loss from homicide.
Peace Lily: A peace lily is one of the most common plants to get someone who’s grieving. While you might consider them a flower, peace lilies actually have the same longevity as other plants. They enjoy minimal light, and they don’t need much water. Perfect for those who have a lot on their plate, such as attending court hearings or making funeral arrangements.
Snake plant: Another plant that requires little water, snake plants look great in any home. Because of their low maintenance, you can practically ‘set it and forget about it,’ which is perfect for homicide survivors. They do require lots of natural sunlight, so having a large window or sunny area they can get their light is a must.
ZZ plant: ZZ plants have a mixture of textures. The stems are thin but have lots of thick small leaves. It’s perfect for any home. There’s actually a running joke in gardening circles that the ZZ plant will last for eternity!
Weeping fig: As much a design aesthetic as a plant that last forever, Weeping fig looks good in any room and requires little maintenance. Some of the trunks are braided as well, giving it another element that will really add something extra to the look of the plant. Make sure you keep it out of the way of your AC vent though - it doesn’t do well in areas that receive a cold draft. Best to keep it closer to a window.
String of Pearls: A beautiful succulent, String of Pearls create long tendrils of plant buds. With a thick texture, they look a lot like a Weeping Willow, but in a plant form. They do need lots of light though - about 6 to 8 hours per day. Depending on your location, they can be placed indoors or outdoors. In areas where the temperature can get below 30*, you’ll want to grow it in a container and potentially keep it indoors during those cold winter days or nights. You’ll want to hang it from the wall or ceiling because the tendrils can get quite long. If wall-length tendrils aren’t your thing, you can always keep them shorter and just slightly spilling over the sides of the planter.
Dish garden: A dish garden is a great option for those grieving from homicide. Dish gardens typically include a variety of herbs and plants that last a while and require little cultivation. The best part about dish gardens with herbs growing is that you can use them in cooking! While cooking and other chores might not be something that’s at the top of a homicide co-victims’ mind right after losing their loved one, the smell of fresh herbs like rosemary can actually decrease stress. These herbs can go in freshly brewed tea, breads and lots of other foods. It gives the co-victim something to focus on besides the death of their loved one. If left alone, the herbs will rot and start to attract flies and bugs.
Citronella Plant: Citronella plants smell wonderful. With leaves that look slightly like parsley, they thrive outside in direct sunlight and frequent watering. It unleashes a beautiful smell when blooming, and the summer season allows for unique lavender shaped blooms to appear throughout some of the leaves. When the leaves are crushed, they release the tell-tale citronella scent that gives it its namesake.
There are lots more plants you can get someone who’s grieving, and you’ll want to focus on the ones that require little maintenance. For homicide survivors, they’ve got so much going on that they can’t always take the time to change out soil, water the plant or spritz it with water to freshen it up. A plant they can set and forget is the way to go. But, giving a plant is just one of the many things you can do for someone who’s grieving the loss of a loved one to homicide. What matters most is that you’re present, encouraging and supportive of any co-victims of homicide.